Oy, vey. I had this whole lovely post about yesterday being my last shift at work, and what I would miss about my job, and how I loved the balance it brought to me, and how I did not love getting home at one in the merry morning after a night of handing out narcotics to shady people, and the computer up and ate the whole darn thing (the post, not the shady people) just as I was remembering to save it.
Damn and damn and damn.
I refuse to be sat upon by a machine, though. Which is why, though I can't re-create the post, I can at least make a list.
THINGS I WILL MISS ABOUT MY JOB
1) I got to walk into a room, change out of my Mom clothes and into my scrubs, and walk out in the ER. Externalizing the change in roles from home to work was very helpful. Also, when I hit the door and smelled that hospital smell, my brain clicked into medical mode and out of Mom mode, which was a relief.
2) I was usually so busy I forgot about everything but what I was doing that instant, which was persepctive-making. By the time I was driving home and remembered whatever worries I'd left behind that morning (what has suddenly inspired the boys to demand I dress them alike: did I actually pay the Visa bill or just THINK about paying it: where did the Urplet hide my iPod: why do I never seem to have any underwear that fits: will our current health insurance bridge until TTD's new insurance kicks in 3 months after his start date?) the time and distance had sort of pulled said worries' teeth.
3) I liked the balance of hand skills, judgement, intuition, linear scientific thinking, and common sense my job demanded. I liked walking the daily tightrope of trusting my own judgement while continually second-guessing myself. I liked seeing how far I could push my skills (safely, of course!) and I liked the constant learning.
4) I liked the cameraderie among the ER staff. I liked being one of them.
5) I liked some of the patients. I loved explaining something and having their eyes light up as they said, "Oh! No one ever told me that before!" I liked being able to ease pain.
6) I liked driving away from the house and knowing I wouldn't see my kids until the next morning.
7) I liked the paycheck.
THINGS I WILL NOT MISS ABOUT MY JOB
1) I did not like spending ten hours on my feet with no time to eat or pee, while patients hurled themselves at the ER as though they were lemmings and we were the cliff.
2) I did not like feeling as though all my years of training had boiled down to handing out narcotics to deadbeats in Cedar Rapids, Iowa
3) I did not like being cursed at by patients because I WOULDN"T hand out narcotics.
4) I developed a fiery hatred for low back pain: both treating it and experiencing it.
5) I hated suturing kids
6) I dreaded having the radiologist call me from the reading room and say, "Now, what exactly were you hoping to learn by ordering a CT on that patient?"
7) I hated driving away from the house knowing I wouldn't see my kids until the next morning.
What about you? If you left your job tomorrow, what would you miss? What would you be delirious with joy to leave behind? My biggest worry now is how I will integrate the change in role: I'm still an NP, but I'm an unemployed one for the time being, and I always find that challenging--and delightful, to be sure, because I am all for long, lazy mornings in bed...no, wait, that was before I had kids: never mind. Anyway, what challenges would you face, sans job, and how would you approach them?
Also, we have discovered that the new floor we were going to put into the basement shower before the buyers took over the house? Is going to have to turn into a new floor for the whole damn bathroom, along with a whole new wall and a whole $4,000 more than we thought. So, you know, you could send money, too.