Nothing Like Starting A New Decade By Reneging On Promises

Mea culpa, mea culpa...here I announce with abandon that I'll be posting every day for a month, and promptly don't.  I can only plead the most bizarre illness I have ever had, and one that I hope you never get, because it's just STRANGE.  Viz: on Monday I got a rough, red, bumpy rash all over my torso and back and butt and upper legs and forearms.  Kind of itchy but not bad, no other symptoms.  Hmmm, thought I.  I'd had something similar when I was pregnant (which no, I am not now) and figured it must just be a recurrance due to fluctuating hormone levels, some unknown combination of environmental triggers, you name it, who cares, it wasn't bothering me.  I did what every good nurse does when she gets sick: I ignored it and figured it would go away.

Which it refuses to do.  Instead, it has stuck around, and has TURNED MY BUTT RED.  Yes!  This rash has decided to become confluent (i.e. the red dots have merged) all over my butt and upper thighs, and has further insulted me by providing me with swollen, sore bilateral inguinal nodes.  And no, it's not some strange, or even not so strange, STD: I'm not going into details on how I know it isn't, but it isn't.  I mean, we're old, and monogamous, and long married, and that's just not an issue, and as I said, I'm not going into any more details.  I feel OK, though achey and tired and a little like I have a cold, and I'm fever-free, but my whole lower body is annoyingly edematous (as in, my butt doesn't want to fit in my pants, and I know I haven't suddenly gained fifteen pounds or changed my entire shape) and I mean, what the hell? 

TTD and I have batted differential diagnoses around, without coming to the ah-ha conclusions we would have reached were we on a network medical show, and nobody else in the family has caught it and I am, if not improving dramatically, certainly not getting worse, so we're inclined to continue in our practice of ignoring it and seeing if it goes away, but I have to say, HUMPH.  A bug that makes your butt big?  That's insult to injury.

Oh, and in other breaking news, I padded downstairs at three a.m. the other night to make the wakeful Urp a waffle (growth spurt, yada yada) and guess who was back, lounging on the kitchen rug right beside Yellow Boy the cat?  Yes indeedy: your friend and mine, the skunk.  I beat a hasty retreat upstairs and eventually awoke TTD, who went down and followed the skunk at a respectful distance until he (the skunk, not TTD) had meandered through the dining room and the living room and back out the shed door.  Followed by Yellow Boy, who is clearly either friends or smitten with the skunk.

What a ridiculous week.

Comments

[Liza]

You and the waffles. Always with the waffles. No clue what to do about the skunk. Maybe a spider bite? Meh. You should give thanks and take pictures of your temporary assets in acid-washed jeans. Giggle.

[Wacky Mommy]

I think we need pictures of the skunk. And your heiney. Heh heh. Here's to a speedy recovery.

[Beth]

Ack. Hope you're feeling much better very soon. Let us know what the mysterious rash turns out to be, if you care to. My son came home from school with a bit of a rash on his arm, and this morning only the scratch marks were left in the original site, but the rash had migrated to to his hand. I'm hoping it's only a reaction to something on the playground.

As for the skunk situation...although you've seen the skunk leave a couple of times, I wonder if there's some way to relocate him, so he doesn't someday spray your cat (because then your cat would bring the scent inside -- this happened to an acquaintance of mine). Maybe set a humane trap and release the skunk elsewhere? Oh, but that would entail getting close to the skunk. Hmm. A toughie.

[Heidi]

You've probably already figured out what it is by now, and this is a real long shot--but there was a front-page article today in the IC Press-Citizen that made me think of you, describing the proliferation of wild parsnip weed and effects of contact with it. These include rashes, blisters, burning, and itching. Apparently the weed, which generally blooms with small yellow flowers between June and mid-July, has been spreading due to mild winters. I know you're not in Iowa anymore, but the weed does appear thoughout most of the US, and some of the symptoms sound like what you're experiencing. The article, with accompanying picture of weed in flower, may be available on their website, if you're interested.

By the way, I don't want to sound all stalkerish, but I was almost sure I'd put a face together with a blog sometime this winter. However, I recently saw the woman I THOUGHT was you downtown at the Java House, two appropriately aged sons (my biggest clues) in tow, so I was wrong. I guess I'm no Nancy Drew.

[terri c]

Eeewwww the illness sounds bad, especially the making-the-butt-big piece as that ship has long sailed here. Hope you feel better soon.

[Motel Manager]

Call Dr. House!