I was doing my yoga this morning, and though I've done this particular tape many times before, this morning I noticed the instructor admonishing me, as I twisted one leg, like, behind my ear, to "find stillness." You know, because it's just that simple. Stillness, stillness...now where did I put that stillness? I know I had it a minute ago: aha! There it is! Over by the toilet brush where the little boys left it. Hey, stillness, over here! I need you!
I mock, but actually I have been in search of stillness lately, or at least, I have been trying to remember that stillness exists, because it has not been much in evidence around here. Though its absence has been all to the good, because the amazing rush of activity which has kept me blogless for what feels like weeks has led to 1) a four day, boyless househunting trip to MA, during which TTD and I discovered that hey, we really like hanging out together, 2) a purchase agreement on the house of our dreams (we'd been going around saying, "Why doesn't someone build the perfect house and sell it to us," and lo and behold, 250 years ago, someone DID build us the perfect house! More on that later...) and 3) a purchase agreement on our house here in Iowa. Yes: in the course of 48 hours we bought one house and sold another. That sound you hear is my brain trying to wrap itself around the idea. Whooooeeee.
There are, of course, many many hoops through which we must jump, both as buyers and as sellers, before this whole thing is over. TTD still has to get his MA license--he's in the throes of the beauracracy now--and we still have to move. There are schools to find, jobs to get (for me), a million details to arrange (I have this feeling I'm going to neglect something major like, say, utilities, and arrive to a lightless house.) But a lot of big steps have been taken: we decided to move, TTD has a job contract, TTD passed his boards (everyone write a comment and congratulate him, because reboarding is no small feat; he studied for A YEAR), we found a house so wonderful I am scared to write about it, and a buyer for our Iowa house. TTD and I both feel this probably means we're heading in the right direction...or for a major fall if it doesn't work out. You do the math.
So, here we go. The plan right now is to move between TTD's last day of work, on April 20th, and his first day at the new job, on April 30th. More than that, I really don't know. I am trying to be OK with that, to just get done what needs to get done in each day and let the emotions--anticipation, loss, excitement, apprehension, more excitement, desire for chocolate and wine--swirl around and slosh away and make a big old mess as they will, that's fine, I'm used to messes, I'll clean it up later.
My little boys, though, are not used to mess, and here's where you come in. Urperooni is too young to really get what's going on, but Rabbit is able to comprehend it, and while he is very excited and pleased at the prospect of new house and ocean and grandparents, he is teary at the prospect of leaving his friends, and I can just sense the apprehension in his little voice as he asks, "Are we going to take all the knives and forks along when we go?" So, advice? Have you moved with your children, or when you were a child? What helped? What hurt? What can a Mama do that's comforting and good, and realistic and brave-making, for a little boy of four years who's leaving a lot he knows behind? I'm doing all the usual stuff, reassuring him that everything's coming with (and TTD has taken him on box-hunting expeditions so he has boxes to pack his toys in; that helped), holding him when he worries about missing his friends, telling him about the new house and showing pictures, talking about the things in the area he already knows and likes, etc. But what else? You guys have always come through for me on questions--I still re-read the notes you gave me on growing up in the sixties and seventies--so please, come through on this too.
I'm hoping that the next few weeks will slow down a little before the final box-filled moving days,because I have lots of posts in my head, including a birthday post for Urp, whose birthday it is today, and Happy Birthday miraculous, adorable blond boy of mine! I think I'll tell his birth story next time, since I haven't done that yet for either boy and it would be nice to have a break from obsessing about the details of moving. And I'll tell about the new house, too, when I get over the feeling I'm going to jinx things by talking about it. As soon as we close, I'll post photos (March 22, is the plan.)
Oy. I just read over this post and it sounds very self-pitying and frightened, which is not at all how I feel. I feel so excited and happy about this move, so right and good. For twenty years I've been moving around, by my own choice, and it's been wonderful, but now I'm going home, and it's a whole new delight. Home! I'm finally, for the first time, moving toward what I know and not away from it!
It's a wonderful feeling. Now if I can just get the inspection done on the new house by March 2nd.....