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Comments

Christina Rowe

I was married for thirteen years before I was divorced. It is a shock to share your life with someone for so long and then suddenly be single. It takes time to learn how to be happy with yourself as a single person instead of a being part of a couple.
The best part of being single again for me is all of the closet and drawer space! I just love having two big walk in closets all for me. Also not having a man snoring all night in my bed is a big plus!
Although my divorce was probalby the most painful experience of my life, I now realize that I am happier now. I think women have to go through a period of mourning. Divorce is in some ways like a death. All of your hopes and dreams for the future included this person. Then all of that ends and you are forced to imagine a new life for yourself without your spouse. It is a long, painful process but if you let yourself grieve you will be able to move more quickly towards your new life.

Leslie

Thanks so much for that. I'm at the separated for a year stage and waiting to figure out all the details before filing for divorce. I'm not so young - my 40s instead of 20s, which makes it maybe a little more complicated just in terms of what we own together, but you have described it all so well.

Midwestern Deadbeat

Yes you have. (Described it all so well, I mean.) What a well written and thoughtful post. Thank you.

Liza

Ooof, yes, divorce. The funny thing about the one I'm now going through is that even during the brief, golden window when things were "good" in my shitty six-year marriage, I kept thinking in the back of my mind how writers being what they are there was NO WAY it was going to last. I almost thought of it as something to be gotten out of the way, like losing one's virginity when it has become cumbersome, and was tempted to introduce him at writerly functions as "my first husband, XXX." I never really TRULY expected us to grow old together (although I certainly HOPED we'd buck the trend); that just doesn't seem to happen with literary first marriages. The good news is that it usually seems to be the second one that sticks, so hey now that THAT's out of the way the world is my fucking oyster, right? Say yes.

aka Marina

Oh sweetie girl,
I remember that time. Big hugs to you now. Even thinking about it makes me tearful (and it wasn't my pain.) But look how far you've come!!! Remember that thing that His Holiness the D.L. says about personal growth and movement toward enlightenment being a twisty path that you can only see progress on by looking backwards? Well look at you, babycakes!!

xox
aka Marina

p.s. the horrible heat index has finally ended in West Virginia. How goes it in Iowa City?

tlb

You really don't know what the inside of someone else's marriage looks like--even people who seem deliriously happy on the surface, people who seem to have it all, can have irredeemable problems no one else knows about. I have a very good friend whose marriage is very frayed at the moment and no one except me and one other person would ever know--not even this woman's parents. No one has any guarantees. But that's part of the thrilling part, too--if there were guarantees, being married wouldn't be very fun or interesting in the first place.

Stalicious

Just wanted to say I loved reading your post, which seems kind of strange to say given the subject matter. But it was beautiful and honest. It gave me much to think about as a freshly minted newlywed. I identify with the feelings of invincibility. Divorce doesn't seem an option for us at all. As you said, I'm a good girl... that won't happen to me.

Naive, right? But I'm hopeful.

I'm going to go add you to my blog roll now!

s@bd

wow

numbers notwithstanding, that was beautiful and hope-giving.

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