I'm not sure where the title came from, but I know it's from SOMEWHERE: a book chapter? a film? Bonus points if you know; consider yourself smart.
The changes to which the title refers are two, really. First, after all my going on about adoption, we found out today that we essentially failed the homestudy. Well, that sounds dramatic: really what happened was the very nice social worker called us up, after we'd had three interviews, and told us that after consulting with some other staff and reading our (read:my) medical records, The Agency felt strongly that for us to pursue adoption would "put our family at unacceptable risk." In other words, I'm a little too close to a history of PPD that was a little too severe for comfort--theirs OR mine.
Oddly, my main emotion is vast relief. While one part of me loved the idea of adoption and welcomed the changes it would bring, another part of me was beginning to get panicky about it: the further we went in the process, the more panicky I got. So this feels like a hard but necessary reality check, one better faced now than, God forbid, later. I want to be the kind of person who can navigate three children, but the fact is, I don't think I am. Better to find that out now.
TTD seems to be OK with it too, I think because I was always the driving force behind this anyway, and because he harbored the same fears The Agency did. So we're all on the same page.
The second change is that I am going to give the blog a rest for a while. I want to concentrate on my own writing for a while, and I'm finding that writing here is feeling more and more like a distraction--and I'm sure you can tell by the perfunctory nature of the last months' entries. So thank you all for reading, and I will be lurking on your blogs, enjoying them, and I have loved hanging out with you here. Be well!
Gallaudet (Bihari), David (TTD), Sparhawk (Rabbit) and Rowan (Urplet)